IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Day 12 Post Ovulation

Progesterone blood test on Saturday, and message left on my messagebank said it was 'perfect' so continue as I am.

Didn't get an exact reading unfortunately. Drat.

Was also advised that blood test is on Saturday, but that I could go in on Friday if I wished...

Is that what I wish?

Not sure yet, prolly.

Hard to talk about symptoms when you know that almost everything is related directly to the prog. pessaries.

How does it feel to be in a 2WW when you have a baby and some frosties? Unfortunately the same. Ridiculous I know, but disappointment doesn't take into account what you should be grateful for, it only deals with the goal at hand.

Common sense tells you otherwise, but again, it has a very small voice in a sea of expectation.

Somewhere deep down (not that far) is the inadequate feeling of the long-time IFer. That feeling that if other people can pick and choose when they want a baby and how many, why can't I?

Not expecting any sympathy, just trying to articulate what's going on in my head.

What is also in my head is knowing that I've barely touched on the 'human' side of this journey.

A couple, a baby, a woman and her child - all spending time together and going thru another cycle to create another life. Photos.

It's funny because we've talked about it - and while it may seem like an extraordinary situation to be in - for Star and I it just feels normal. We would go into the clinic together for appointments and BabyG and Starlet would run around together - charming and fascinating the staff all at the same time.

(Before anyone protests - our clinic gave us appointments - we weren't sitting in a crowded room of women waiting to do blood tests and ultra-sounds. No one else was ever there)

We have a unique relationship and situation.

When I realised donor eggs was going to be the only way for me to have a child, I literally gave myself into the journey and what it would bring. Star says the same thing. Without wanting to sound mystical, this literally feels like it was meant to be. We have no idea what the future holds, but for now we have a fantastic relationship - its more than I ever expected.

Not sure yet if I will POAS ... certainly not for another day or two .... will wait and see how my prog. symptoms develop ...

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Transfer

Sorry not to update yesterday - busy day.

Transfer went smoothly - 1 perfect 4-cell embie.

5 frozen snowbabies.

Whole new experience for us. A whole lot of hope.

Star was there with me, and was amazed.

Going for LH check next week, haven't been told hcg date yet

More later.

Friday, September 19, 2008


Okay, so my update yesterday was completely wrong ... but here's the great news:

9 embies

As I mentioned I wasn't there when Star was given the details of the pick up, it turns out we got 13 eggs, 10 mature, 3 immature - and 1 caught up. So 11 for ICSI - and we've ended up with 9 embies!

I told the scientist we were really happy with 8!

So it turns out that Star just heard wrong - the scientist said that both her and the doc. spoke to her, and that she went back again when Star was more awake. Apparently not awake enough - must have been some drugs!

Star says now it was the nurse that told her 8.

Clearly, this should have been written down for Star, and in fact someone should have contacted me later. I thought it was odd at the time, but was happy with the result yesterday, so left it.

But how can I complain about such a happy muddle?

Now we're set for a 10am drop off and Star is coming. She says she's feeling great today, she realises now that with the last injections she was starting to get tired.

I had a brief discussion with the scientist that in the event that our embies start going belly-up we transfer more than 1 ... but in reality I really don't want twins, so am happy just to transfer 1 great embryo. She said that they will start freezing the good ones from tomorrow.

Incredible, I've never been in this position before.

I know that we'll lose some, but all I really want to do now is enjoy our good news.

Also ... thanks for all the support ... hey I've got statcounter!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

We've Picked Up ...

Our eggs that is ...


We're ecstatic. No details at all though, so can't tell you if any are immature. Strangely (I wasn't there when Star was told) the doc. just told her 8. We called in on the clinic and they said they couldn't tell us anything more either.

Now I know for some this might not seem like an amazing haul compared to say getting 18 or 20 or whatever big clinics promise in other lands, but we couldn't be happier.

With an antagonist protocol you're aiming for quality over quantity and after our last cycle we didn't want Star on the stims for the same amount of time (12 or 13 days).

So I reckon 8 eggs after 8 days Pure*gon at 150mg - is just fantastic. (As a comparison when I did my Antagonist cycle I got 3 eggs (1 immature) after 9 days of Pure*gon at 300mg).

We are also of the thinking, that while we'd love to have a couple of snowbabies in the freezer, to 'cover our bases', 'be on the safe side' AND 'just in case'(!), we don't want an entire rugby team (heehee that's 15).

Star also had a much milder anaesthetic, so left the clinic feeling far better than last time.

Now we wait on the fertilisation report.

I quizzed the scientist quickly and she told me all is looking good with our swimmers.

Ugh, this is nerve-wracking. It never gets any easier - after 6 of my own cycles and 1 donor cycle - I'm guessing I won't sleep tonight.

Adios until tomorrow - around mid-morning....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What A Difference A Day Makes

This morning's scan showed all the 15's up in 17's and 18's and the 20's even bigger.

E2 has now doubled to 10,600

We're triggering tonight for Thursday pick up. Wow.

Pessaries start tonight for me plus stay on progy*nova - but best of all no more syna*rel YAYYYY!

Star and I are quietly hoping for 6 eggies - fingers crossed ...

Amazing, this is 8 days of stims - last cycle Star did 12 days of stims...

In fact everything is in complete contrast to our last cycle, Star and I were talking about it today and can't believe how stressful it was, but we didn't notice then because we were living one day at a time. If the cycle hadn't resulted in BabyG I realise now I should have been seeking a complete refund from the clinic.

In the 'not wanting to get ahead of myself' basket and only because the clinic are talking about it ... but ... if we're lucky, fingers crossed and all going well we will be doing a transfer on Saturday. We're excited about this, because if so, Star will be able to come!

Stay tuned our show is definitely on the road!

Jeez I'm sounding soooo optimistic, scary, better get a grip. Chill, breath, exhale s-l-o-w-l-y. Okay got it.

Monday, September 15, 2008


Scans for all this morning ...

Star's revealed two biggies - 24 and 21 and a few more at the 15 with E2 at 5300 the doc. has decided to keep going tonight and another scan and bloods in the morning.

The thinking is that we want the 15's up, most likely sacrificing the 20's - which we would anyway if we triggered tonight.

I checked back on our last cycle and the day before trigger Star's E2 was at 3500, so at this point we're doing better.

Think we're looking to get around 6 eggs in total - which is fine by me.

My scan - lining 8.5 and showing the triple stripe or whatever it's called. Nothing to worry about.

Unfortunately still going insane on the syna*rel until further notice. Been given my pessaries - the little silver bullets.

Looking likely that trigger could be tomorrow and pick up Thursday, but also just as likely is trigger Wednesday and pick up Friday ...

Swinging between excitement and fear.

Same bat-time tomorrow ladies.

Friday, September 12, 2008

First Scan

This morning ...

8 on the right, 5 on the left ...

Two are at 15 already, so we're having another blood test tomorrow morning to see how we're looking. The others are all around 10.

Star starts taking the suppression shots tonight at the same time as her pure*gon.

Monday we both go in for scans and bloods - we could be triggering Monday night with a pick up on Wednesday! If not, then Friday.

Star's response has been very different this time to last ...

Nervous and excited.

It's hard not to get carried away when the clinic are so confident we'll get great embryos .... and even talking about having some to freeze. I'd love to roll around and enjoy that confidence, but with our last cycle I'm trying to keep everything real.

We spent the day together and had a nice lunch, a really nice relaxing time.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

We're Off

Day 1 of injections started yesterday.

That means Day 1 of progy*nova started yesterday for me.

Star and I are excited!

First ultrasound and blood test for Star on Friday.

Scary being excited ...

Other things to occupy me while we cycle - my job - looks like it's not going to happen - no one to do job-share. Or I should say the person that said they would, has now said they want full-time.

All that effort in finding child-care - for nothing.

Trying not to think too much about it - hey I'm living my dream to a very large extent.


Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Nothing Has Changed I See

Well now I know misunderstandings and confusion still reign in the world of IVF. Not much changes in 20 months.

Star has arrived and we've had our RE appointment and our clinic orientation.

Of course before we got to that point I had forgotten to get my syn*arel script filled by the day I was due to start sniffing.

Syn*arel being the main offender in all the confusion.

At Star's RE appointment, I was asked why I hadn't booked our orientation because Star was due to start her syn*arel... keh?

Then Star was to leave her nuva*ring a few extra days ...

'But I thought my cycle was being matched up to Star's' I stammered ?
'I'm managing a million things right now...' I was told by way of 'stay out of it'.

'It's interesting', I mentioned to the nurse while I was paying, 'but I didn't use syn*arel when I did my antagonist cycle, I used another drug that I injected'...
'Really?' she responded.
Well maybe you do the antagonist with syn*arel and I'm not aware ...

Meanwhile the irrate coordinator from the clinic had organised for Star and I to go in today, since we needed to do the orientation before Star started sniffin'.

'You know I'm not going to worry about it right now, but I'm finding it strange that you're not taking your nuva*ring out till Wednesday night, when I'm meant to be aligned to your cycle and I stop the pill today, and we did think your Day 1. would be this Thursday'...

We were right to be suspicious.

Notes said antagonist, plan generated yesterday said long suppression.

'Well we did plan these dates and flights around what we were told to do', we told our coordinator.

And 'no I don't have a script for pro*genova'.

She fixed everything, what a saint, thank god she was irrate yesterday and fitted us in today.

Now the nuva*ring comes out today and we wait for Day 1 - now expected to be Friday.

Also, it's been a joy to see Star. It's been amazing to see her with BabyG. No, she doesn't see her as her potential child she gave up, she says she simply cares for her alot. And she's great at making her giggle.