IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Saturday, March 08, 2008


One of the things I most resented about IF was the fact I felt I had lost control of my life.

When I would hear friends talking about the decisions they made about having a baby then expanding their families I'd have to do quick barely discernible 'in with love, out with anger' breathing exercise.

DECISIONS I would think, what gives them the right to make decisions about their lives, who do they think they are???

I came to realise that the best way for me to live was to give in to it. Relax, like they say to do if you're ever in a car crash - that way, with your body being relaxed, you won't feel the impact of the car crashing into either another car or a telegraph pole and you will live thru it. Apparently.

Yeah, just being able to say 'I'm living thru it' felt like success alot of the time.

So, maybe control freakishly, I look forward to gaining back some of my life.

Some day.

Having a MIL 'tell' me she is having a babyseat fitted into her car makes me feel a little uncomfortable - in the IF way.

'Ummmm, you know that babyseat your mother is having fitted in her car?' I asked DH
'Well, I just want you to know that I'm a long way off being comfortable with the idea of BabyG being driven around town without either you or I present'
'Well that's not the idea, and actually both my grandmothers drove me around'
'Keh? When you were 6 months old? Aaaaand, btw, we're not living in the 70's anymore, back then it was still legal to drive without a seatbelt'.

Don't think my IF methods of coping will work.