IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Last Cycle

Results just okay: FSH 11
Oestrogen 200

The nurse said that because the Oestrogen was low it was okay to cycle.
This is a whole new thing for me - now I'm in the high FSH category - never had an FSH higher than 8 before!

300ml Puregon per day, started Saturday. Next blood test Monday morning, further instructions to follow. This cycle is going to be over so fast it's freaky.

I cautiously asked the nurse if they had had many positive results with the Flare Cycle protocol ... she said they had, but didn't have figures on hand. I say cautiously, because this seems to be the protocol that's tried on the hopeless cases ... we've reached the end of the road.

I ducked into the new CFG on my way home from the hairdressers to let her know that I was going ahead with the IVF and wouldn't be starting with her herbs. Her assistant was there and I asked if I would be able to get acupuncture (even though they disapprove of my choice). The assistant was sure that they would be able to help and I'm booked in for Monday. I explained to him that even though I agreed that I most likely could benefit from six months worth of treatment, that Mr. S and I were not prepared to make a snap decision not to go ahead at this point.

We feel that we have nothing to lose with going ahead with this cycle, and if it fails we're moving on with other things.

One of those things is that we are now actively looking for a local donor. We have an ad. published on two forums. So far very minimum bites, but let's see. This is another of the things we don't want to regret not doing. One thing I haven't done is link my blog to the ad. Any thoughts? I'm in a bit of a dither over what to do. On the one hand it's a great way for a potential donor to read up on us and some of what we've been through, on the other hand it's potentially the fastest way of putting everyone off in one foul swoop. Admitting some insecurity here, but this blog has been a great sounding board for me to rail about some pretty petty things. While I think those going through similar can sympathise because they've experienced some of the same things, maybe to 'normal' fertile folk it could seem remarkably bitter.

What to do, should I mention it or just casually add the url to my profile and see if anyone wanders over?

We're bringing the donor issue with our friends to a conclusion. But that hasn't happened yet. Mr. S wanted 'one more week' since we've been away. But that deadline is up. So in the next few days we'll be making contact and hopefully we'll smooth everything over and we'll all still be friends. Will update that soonish.

Blood results tomorrow.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Interlude Post

You know I have all these posts ready to go (in my head), and then yesterday I went and saw a new Chinese Fertility Goddess.

Yep, she’s my third.

This time she was recommended to me by my … gulp … MIL. Apparently a friend’s daughter went to her and then, you know, got pregnant. ‘I know you’re sick of referrals’ MIL apologised, ‘but I asked for the number anyway’. ‘No, this is good, she’s located close to home and I like THESE referrals, I just don’t want anymore RE referrals because as far as I can tell they all recite from the same book’… [mumble ‘bloody f***** b*******] mind trails off … and I really get the message about donor eggs now.

So as mentioned, she’s only in the next suburb and unbelievably works late nights and Saturdays, so in fact I thought, great it’s a simple switcheroo so I can continue to have acupuncture - it’s just become something I like to do. You know I really don’t have any expectations that it’s going to get me pregnant, but it makes me feel healthier overall.

So last night at my 6.30pm appointment I meet her. She’s sort of eccentric and scientific and wears very sensible shoes. Her clinic is a very modern, plate glass window facing the street and she has a wall of red drawers that contain all the herbs. One good thing, she doesn’t have the predicable baby wall.

We introduce and quickly down to going over my history … YAWN … yeah it’s long and boring and there’s no climactic … and after all that we have now have a baby …

Fast forward to the part where we started our first IVF cycle ….

CFG: 8 eggs, great
Me: Yeah well I think 7 fertilised
CFG: Fantastic, so then success?
Me: Blinking … No. Umm, [thinking this could go on all night if we’re going to do this for every cycle] listen we’ve been through 5 cycles in total. All eggs fertilised, no success at all, nothing.
CFG: Blinking … never?
Me: No. Nothing in the freezer either. Ummm we’re a hard case … mumble … bad eggs
CFG: Right …
Me: So here’s the thing. The clinic have offered for us to do the other protocol we never did. So when my period starts, which might be tomorrow, I have a blood test and if my FSH is okay, we going to start.
CFG: Okay, well this is just my opinion. Don’t do the IVF. You need to work with me for 6 months then think about it.
Me: Look, I’ve done two cycles with other famous CFG and nothing. My husband and I, we’re not messing around anymore. We’re at a point where we have to find donor eggs, that’s it for us.
CFG: NOOOOO (loudly and with finger pointed at me!)

So then we left things at that and went over my whole life medical history and my families.

So the nutshell is.

She thinks we’ve been misdiagnosed and it’s all about me. (This is also her core belief, that if she can sort out the problems with the woman that’s the key). She says she thinks my progesterone is too low (my Day 22 was 38 from the tracking done for Miscarriage Management), she also thinks I could ovulate later than I think, and may even have some other ovulation thing to do with the follicle. She agrees that my eggs aren’t good, but believes she can have an effect on that. BUT it will take 6 months to fully nourish my body.

I told her I had to discuss it all with my husband. I told her that my husband thinks all the alternative medicine stuff is bollocks due to the money we spent on both of us for the last year that got us NOWHERE.

I reminded her that I had cycled and done both with the Famous CFG for a year and you know ZILCH.

CFG: She didn’t give you enough attention to diagnose properly and should have given you stronger herbs.

Her chinese diagnosis is that my ying is out of whack. She correctly guessed that when I wake in the middle of the night I have a glass of water by my bed that I drink from. Also that I wake up hot. This also means that it is my kidney chi that is weak. My body is always bubbling away and dehydrating itself.

She believes that if I’d gone to chinese medicine (say to her), after my miscarriage, I’d have two babies by now (sob). She bases this on the fact that we got pregnant on a Clomid cycle and that the genetic testing came back clean. She says that that proves that when the egg is forced out I can get pregnant, but that the egg wasn’t good quality then and that also my ute wasn’t nourishing the pregnancy (progesterone level).

I mean at that time, and I don’t think uncommonly, we pretty much put ourselves in the hands or our gynaecologist and just followed instructions and went where we were told to. Our rite of passage was that it took getting really p***** off with my doctors and the lack of success we had with them before I started looking for the alternatives.

My appointment finished at 8.30pm.

So what does it all mean?

Predictably, Mr. S listened politely and when I concluded with ‘so if we go ahead with the IVF that’s fine and if it works great, but if it doesn’t we would go back to her and start with her treatment, but she won’t treat us while we’re going through it’.

Mr. S: Fine well that’s what we’re going to do then

Six months is too long folks, especially when we’ve built ourselves up for the ‘Last Cycle on the Protocol we never tried’.

That post next.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Back in Office

Yep back on board.

Managed to survive the family holiday, the London heatwave, now just trying to get over the jetlag.

Will have a huge update post shortly. I’m talking ‘irons in the fire’, because we’re not messing around with any of this anymore!

Meanwhile, tonight I see Jose Gonzalez (he of the Son.y Brav.ia TV ad.) and tomorrow yet another ‘new’ Chinese Fertility Goddess.


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Out Of Office

Logging in here from Lisbon, Portugal.

Things got pretty hectic before we left and I didn´t have time to post. Mr. S and I are on a family vacation - cruising the Mediterranean with his family. It´s a new experience for us - we haven´t been on a cruise before - thought maybe it would be something we´d do in say 30 years!

We´re halfway through a 14 day cruise, and will end up with a week in London.

We´ve left all our fertility cares behind, and will deal with them when we get back.

I´ll try and check up on everyone at a cheaper port!