IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Shall we dance?

Buggery blog ... buggery preview ... buggery me didn't save it, now have to rewrite it all again!

It's close to another month passing, so time to add another post. Especially now that I have an official comment - I'm an official blog!

The dynamics of a relationship going thru infertility/ivf is so fascinating you could write a book ... bugger Ben Elton already has ... and he made it a movie .... he's wrung that cloth dry for the rest of us.

D and I have never differed in our way of dealing with this right from the start. Actually from before, D never belived my dire prediction that we would be the 1 in 10 couple that had problems, guffawed he did. Well here we are 3 years later and he still remains sceptical of my intuition.

He has become very disillusioned with our CFG lately, so much so that I started looking for a new practitioner for him. It's partly because we haven't had a result yet, but also because she charges like the proverbial wounded bull, only works 4 days a week, is jam-packed all the time with other infertiles and doesn't have anyone else helping her prod the needles in.

While I'm keeping the faith, because of her extraordinary success she's had with other people, and I think she's particularly good with women, it is hard for anyone that has to work full-time. Ah, that's me, I've become the most accomplished liar in this process. I lie about why I'm late to work or have to leave early, I've invented a whole other chinese doctor that is trying to cure my sinus, hives and various other allergies - it's incredible what spews out of my mouth.

Anyhoo off I went in search and another seemingly amazing practitioner did I unearth that specialises in male fertility issues .... and so the dance began. The gentle persuasion, the scepticism back, further details, further scepticism, more research, more questions, back tracking then finally agreement. It's exhausting, and all told it ends up taking a few weeks to actually get the appointment - what with the to-ing and fro-ing and ... ahem the clinics full appointment book.

So yesterday he went and he's happy - YAY! He has respect for the doctor for all the reasons I had suggested, and a standard fee, she has several other practitioner's in the clinc PLUS works Saturday's and late nights!

He also has respect for her because she's conducted a clincial trial thru a local university for her M.Sc. So he's happily going off for more tests and even now wants to start changing lifestyle stuff like our diet and cutting down drinking.

Our new Male Specialist CFG believes that all our problems stem from our problematic morphology, but she also wants to check if he has any low level infections and is throwing in an ultra sound to boot! I might add that our regular CFG believes the same thing, but it's just impossible for D with his job and her hours to be able to maintain the acu schedule etc.

This experience has taught me so much, including that you have to just keep being ready to change plans.

Now he's promised to give my intuition a go every once in a while ... let's just see.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I'm the Crappest

I think I'm the crappest blogger of all time.

Mostly because I can't seem to get the hang of the software. This is the third attempt I've made at starting one - the other two I cancelled because they seem to get 'lost'. Also, because I put such a stupid title on this one, whenever I blog on, the IVF seems to scream around the whole office, so I have to quickly minimise in case all my workmates see.

I think I also enjoy reading everyone else's so much I now suffer from performance anxiety, but there's nothing really for me to worry about, because in the blogger world you're only as good as your comments and between all three I've elicited nil, and can't see that changing.

Here's the next problem, it takes me so long to write what I have to say I get worn out.

I have so many concerns with infertility that it's almost too overwhelming to know where to start - best make it the beginning, but I'm so far down the track I have to fast backwards and forwards to get thru it all.

Right now, we're in the middle of a natural cycle. I've decided with our CFG that we'll skip between the two - natural cycles and IVF. If it was up to my husband D, we'd to back to back with IVF. But, as anyone knows who's been thru IVF, the difficult part is the logistics. Lying to work and everyone else around you gets tired quickly, and when you've had to take the sick days and invent the 'minor surgery' excuses so many times it wears you down.