IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Day 12 Post Ovulation

Progesterone blood test on Saturday, and message left on my messagebank said it was 'perfect' so continue as I am.

Didn't get an exact reading unfortunately. Drat.

Was also advised that blood test is on Saturday, but that I could go in on Friday if I wished...

Is that what I wish?

Not sure yet, prolly.

Hard to talk about symptoms when you know that almost everything is related directly to the prog. pessaries.

How does it feel to be in a 2WW when you have a baby and some frosties? Unfortunately the same. Ridiculous I know, but disappointment doesn't take into account what you should be grateful for, it only deals with the goal at hand.

Common sense tells you otherwise, but again, it has a very small voice in a sea of expectation.

Somewhere deep down (not that far) is the inadequate feeling of the long-time IFer. That feeling that if other people can pick and choose when they want a baby and how many, why can't I?

Not expecting any sympathy, just trying to articulate what's going on in my head.

What is also in my head is knowing that I've barely touched on the 'human' side of this journey.

A couple, a baby, a woman and her child - all spending time together and going thru another cycle to create another life. Photos.

It's funny because we've talked about it - and while it may seem like an extraordinary situation to be in - for Star and I it just feels normal. We would go into the clinic together for appointments and BabyG and Starlet would run around together - charming and fascinating the staff all at the same time.

(Before anyone protests - our clinic gave us appointments - we weren't sitting in a crowded room of women waiting to do blood tests and ultra-sounds. No one else was ever there)

We have a unique relationship and situation.

When I realised donor eggs was going to be the only way for me to have a child, I literally gave myself into the journey and what it would bring. Star says the same thing. Without wanting to sound mystical, this literally feels like it was meant to be. We have no idea what the future holds, but for now we have a fantastic relationship - its more than I ever expected.

Not sure yet if I will POAS ... certainly not for another day or two .... will wait and see how my prog. symptoms develop ...


At September 30, 2008 3:50 am , Blogger Peeveme said...

I;ts hard to feel grateful when I mostly feel robbed. I do have so much to be grateful for and perhaps, when all this is said and done I will be able to focus on that. But not now while I'm in the middle of struggling.

I will be grateful however this ends up.

Wishing you every bit of luck.

At September 30, 2008 8:49 am , Blogger three minute palaver said...

OMG Sparkle, I have so much anticipation that this cycle will work. I agree not to POAS for a few more days (maybe even wait until Friday) and just cruise as much as is possible for a veteran IFer until the blood draw/stick dance etal. & wishing you all the luck in the world.

At October 01, 2008 8:45 am , Blogger millie said...

Jeeze, a girl goes away for a bit and has so much to get caught up on!

Soooooooo very glad you're cycle went so well. I'm crossing all my bits for you.


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