Next Step

So we begin again, our next cycle - a supposed back-to-back FET.

Our schedule has me back on the bcp until the 8th April, then start sniffing.

Call the clinic on my Day 1. bleed, then start progy*nova 3xdaily. Ultrasound 10/11 days later.

So we'll be looking at a late-April transfer.

My current state of thinking is to thaw the remaining 2 embryos and depending on how that goes put them both back. With the way things have gone, I cannot see both sticking, but, we may have a miracle one stick. I can't imagine going thru another transfer, it not working, and then have everything hinging on one 3-cell embryo.

I'm worried about what to do next. I'm a Plan B. girl. I have none.

Do I start looking for another donor now? Do I review all overseas options? Or do I let go the iron-clad control I feel the need to have and just see what happens with this next transfer THEN worry?

I remember receiving a few disapproving comments when we started planning to grow our family a year ago. It threw me a little, because anyone that has been on this journey knows that there are no guarantees. Unfortunately I'm proof of that yet again. I'm not sure but is there a term that goes passed secondary, third or fourth levels of infertility?

And again

Cycle result = negative

One to go

One week down, one to go.

Having doubts about the embie has helped me not get too obsessive.

Had my acupuncture straight after this time, not my usual lady, MASSIVE headache finding someone. Ended up going somewhere completely new and close by the clinic. Seems they were v.traditional ... so much so they wanted me to go for the following 5 days. So I went that day, then the day after. Certainly did feel good those days, but since they didn't reduce the rate to accomodate GOING DAILY, I stopped and thought I'd go back to my lady if I wanted more [on the days she works].

So nonchalant about this 2WW I nearly didn't bother going and getting my mid-2WW progesterone test.

'Why bother?' I asked the nurse, 'Most clinics don't even do this test, and even if its low, BIG DEAL'!... Blah, blah... who cares... load of rubbish... whinge ... moan 'It's down to the embryo'.

'Well' she politely advised me 'we just don't know what effect YOU have on an embryo once it's transferred, I mean we do pretty well at mimicking the uterine environment in the lab, but after all we don't know what happens once it's transferred'

'Well yes that is true, but what I want to know is what the hell is going on with these young eggs?' - that thing happened when suddenly you blab what is really on your mind.

'My own niece went thru IVF here, and we transferred two shocking looking embryos, her progesterone came back at 17 - now 14 weeks pregnant - one of them stuck'.

'S-I-G-H'

So, in my casual manner, I'd strolled in so late I wasn't going to get my result back the same day, and then later realised I also had totally forgotten to get extra messaries, since I'm going to run out before BT-Day.

Back again this morning, messaries in hand, talking to one of the other nurses.

'Well I had my blood test soooo late yesterday I didn't get the results, so you know, whatever ...'
'PLEASE call this afternoon and get your results'
'Okay, I'm sure its okay, even though it was low last time'
'Call this afternoon'.

Come 3 o'clock I debate bothering, then ring.

'Yeah, your progesterone is fine, so no need to increase messaries'
'Right-e-o, what is it?'
Paper shuffle 'Here it is ... gosh it's 105!'
'Thought it was okay - I've got heart-burn!'
'Really, well then, your BT is next Friday THE 13TH'

So there you go little embie ... if you decide to stick around ... all ready for you!

Nuh, don't think I'm going to have anything to do with pee sticks either.