IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


I remember reading a feature written by a journalist where he was bemoaning the predicament he had found himself in at social gatherings since having a baby.
He would find that the host would inevitably say ‘Oh meet so-and-so, they’ve got a baby too’. He found himself wedged in the company of people he had nothing in common with – except that they were both fathers.

I think it starts even earlier than that.

Since I have ‘come out’ at work, I now find myself inundated with other people’s baby photo’s.

‘Oh you’re having a baby, I’ll have to send you the photo’s of my daughter’s Easter Parade(!)’

And she did – six photo’s emailed to me within 10 minutes. I gave them a polite cursory glance, then deleted them, then thought, what now? Do I have to rush over breathlessly and gush?

That’s the second time it happened in one day. The other time, I was handed photo’s to look at while the doting father looked on proudly.

Because I’m having a baby, am I now expected to become a certain ‘mumsie’ kind of person?

The seeming contradictory thing with me and my struggles with infertility are that though I’ve been absolutely driven in my goal to have a family, I’ve never been the desperate clucky type. Before my struggles, I never goo-gooed or ga-gaed around babies, and it would seem that gene hasn’t kicked in since.

I loathe all the predictable baby ravings.

I think its part of the reason I took so long to tell people at work – I wanted to hold back the wave of baby-mania for as long as possible.

I mean clearly I am not anti-baby – just all the bull**** that seems to come with it.

I realise it’s fruitless to fight against what now has become the norm – the total worshipping of babies/children – but do I have to subvert my entire identity to become a mother?

We all wonder how profoundly we have been affected by IF, and how we will differ from the regular fertile mothers, but in my case this isn’t a sign of any lingering bitter attitude towards the fertile, it’s just the way I’ve always been. I wonder if I’ll have to keep a lid on my natural cynicism in order to deflect any accusations of ‘oh she was infertile, that’s why she is the way she is’. Maybe all that play-acting at being normal along the way will have to continue way, way into the future?

I guess it’s just as well I became good at it.

We would most definitely seem to have hit vegetables – Week 18 – large sweet potato.
I’m not entirely sure, but I 'think' I may have started feeling the first signs of movement – last night - a weird fluttery, bubbly feeling – low down – just above my pubic bone. Then again toay. At first I thought it was the gross daily intrusion of gas, then I realised it was in the wrong spot. I’m chuckling to myself – I still don’t look pregnant and I can feel movement!


At April 10, 2007 10:43 pm , Blogger suzzcq70 said...

I am 20w (as of yesterday) and just realized that fizzy feeling over the past week and half is the baby. Who knew? It is the time of vegetables . . . I have a zucchini now.

First holiday as a pg person on Easter . . . found myself chatting with the 2 other pg cousins and thought to myself, "oh no, how did I become one of these?". IF never leaves the brain.

At April 11, 2007 12:08 am , Blogger Jade said...

You mean you don't suddenly want to dawn flowery laura ashley dresses? You haven't become a stepford prego lady?

You know who you are and I am sure that after so much IF it is hard to truly shift gears, and honestly, if you weren't all frilly before why would you want to start?

Feeling the baby move and still not showing is kind of cool. It's like you have a secret relationship.

At April 11, 2007 3:59 am , Blogger Lut C. said...

I'm so glad you wrote this. I was only moderately interested in other people's children before IF, and really, I don't think I've changed.
In a way, I dread telling my co-workers, because I dread the unwanted advice, the fabulous adventures of their munchkins, etc.
Not to forget that those in the know are going to expect more gushing than I'd naturally provide. I resent having to perform.
You've reminded me that my reservations are older than my IF. Thanks.

How cool that you're starting to feel movement. :-)

At April 14, 2007 3:16 pm , Blogger millie said...

Why would people suddenly assume you'd be interested in their kids? That just makes me nuts.

But a large sweet potato that you can feel????? That just makes me smile.

At April 16, 2007 3:38 pm , Blogger Bumble said...

Wow, movement! Thats damn exciting, it must feel amazing, and strange and wonderful! Hope you can manage avoid those irritating photo people for a while.


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