IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Other Unexpected Reactions

I continue to be surprised by some of the reactions we’ve received.

In my last post I mentioned that we had had to let Mr. S. parents know our news via the phone due to an outbreak of shingles. This weekend we were able to go over and see them in person.

Once we’d settled down after the ‘wonderful news’ exclamations, I was surprised to hear that they themselves hadn’t told any of their friends or extended family.

‘We haven’t told anyone else yet’ the told us.
‘Well you can tell people, we’re 16 weeks now’.
‘Oh, we felt funny telling anyone’.

Later I asked Mr. S -
‘Why aren’t they telling anyone, we waited till we were really safe to tell them (14 weeks!), are they still worried that something could go wrong?’
‘Maybe, but maybe they’re also still getting used to the idea, like us’.

I’ll leave it alone, but I find it slightly disarming. It’s taken ME all this time, and I’m still scared, I still check the loo every time I go. If I’m at work, and other people are in there, I wait for them to leave to check – I’m scared that if I see blood I’ll scream.

But that’s me, I’m an IF veteran with a bloody awful history. I’m not sure if this is a form of neediness, but when I told my mother my fears, she assured me that as an obstetric nurse, once you make 16 weeks you’re safe.

Yes, there are awful things that can happen, and believe me, I’m aware of ALL those things. But at this point, a second trimester loss is a less than 1% chance, and (god help us) should it happen, I would expect it to be treated as an out-of-the-ordinary horrific event. It’s not something that I want people around me considering as a real possibility, I want them to be excited.

Maybe this is the first of my own expectations to be squashed – my expectations on how I anticipated ‘expectant’ grandparents to be?

I’ve also become aware of the desire for people to believe we are The Miracle Couple.

My mother for one, she told me that she reckons that though we needed fertility treatment to achieve this pregnancy, that we will easily fall pregnant with a second!

Mrs S. Senior told me that she expects that once she does start tell our news, that she’ll get the 20 questions ie ‘is it an IVF baby’.

‘Well we don’t mind, you can tell people that this is the result of fertility treatment’
‘I’ll tell them that it’s your business’ (and not theirs!)

Jeez, it’s not our intention to burst anyone’s bubble, but there is obviously still a need to want to believe that ‘we’re normal’.

Our intentions have always been to be completely open about using Star’s egg, this makes it hard.

‘Maybe you should just blurt it out to everyone and think ‘I don’t give a f*** what you think’! best friend Flossy advised. (More on Flossy later)
‘Yeah well, that approach might work in some cases, but this is not the right time to do that – particularly with my family.’

Apart from a difficult sister, things have progressed with my fathers’ illness. I don’t want to go into detail right now, but my sister has advised that she believes he is at the beginning of the ‘final phase’ of his illness. What we don’t know is how long that phase will last. Maybe six months, maybe nine at best. We haven’t been given the blunt assessment yet from the doctor.

But for now, he is overjoyed with our news, why would I want to challenge that?

Avacado – around 41/2 inches (11.4cm). From now we now enter a period of rapid growth. That should be interesting, because I’m still wearing all my own clothes and do not look pregnant. It doesn’t phase me, except for the fact that without yet feeling any kicking or movement, it kind of plays into the insecurities a little ...


At March 28, 2007 5:17 am , Blogger Lut C. said...

I can imagine you would find it unnerving. Perhaps they think that's what makes you most comfortable?
Or they like having a little happy secret to cherish for a while? Who knows.

Oh boy. Easily fall PG with the second. The deluded wish that this is behind you forever.

At March 28, 2007 6:55 pm , Anonymous hobbesy said...

I think if you spent too long trying to work out what goes on in other people's heads you'd go mad yourself! Forget about all of them and enjoy this time. I'll be the millionth person to say it but after being pregnant it feels like its gone so quick, especially when you've had problems conceiving because the early months (if not all the way through) are filled with worry. Love every minute of it, you deserve it!

At March 29, 2007 7:10 am , Blogger Angie said...

WOW!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!

At April 02, 2007 11:59 am , Blogger Mel said...

Congrats. I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy.
take care

At April 02, 2007 4:57 pm , Blogger Bumble said...

Hey Sparkle, thanks for the comment over at my place, reminded me that I haven't checked up on you in a while! So glad everything's going so well with your little avo. I think I'll be broadcasting it to the world that my baby was the result of IVF (if it ever happens). People must get with the times. Our babies are truly miracles and deserve to be celebrated.


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