Distraction

Four sleeps to get through until scan.

In the meantime, I’ve had a face to face drive-by at work to help keep me distracted.

‘Oh Sparkle I’m pregnant with my second, I’m past 12 weeks now so I can tell everyone’
‘Congratulations, how lovely for you’
‘Well, we figured we should just do it, our first is going to be three by the time the baby is born.’

Hmmm, here’s the stuff that was running around my head:

Will I make 12 weeks?
How would I tell people?
If I hadn’t miscarried, my first would have been 3 too.

It’s kind of on a loop going round.

I have a suspicion there’s another one close by, another preggy at work, I’m too scared to have it confirmed just yet ... at least not until after Monday. God my senses are still so finely tuned to this, I always seem to want time to get my head straight, so I can act normal.

I don't know why I think I can keep myself at arms length from everything, it’s a fools game.

My chiropractor told me she had a couple of lovely maternity dresses she’d bring in for me ... dresses she hadn’t been able to wear herself.

‘Don’t give me anything yet!’ I said ... politely [but panicked] –
She gets it, she’s been trying to have her second baby for 4 years and has been through several miscarriages.
‘I know, not yet’. She said.

Not yet anything.