IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Final Blood Test

E2 = 2060
Endo = who knows?
Follicles = Right side on track, Left side on strike (my own eyeball assessment)

Pregnant wand monkey ‘too busy’ to give me an ‘individual’ report, she said she had 3D’s and would do the report later, so I have no idea how many either (last report 4 follicles each side). I swear these monkeys have a sadistic streak. Didn’t she know that the only thing stopping me grabbing her wanding hand and demanding a full and concise report is the Infertile Superstition that includes ‘Being Nice To Everyone When You Cycle’ – so as not to induce the wrath of the Embryo Boogey Monster?!!!

I thought if I told her that I’d had nightmares that night about coming in for my wanding and finding out that all my follicles had gone, it might yield some empathy, NAH. She was gracious enough to tell me that she thought that I wouldn’t be back for another – since most likely there will be no waiting around for the lefties to catch up.

I’ve been doing mental lists of ‘Things That Are Different’ with this cycle, but I think in the Things That Will Never Change – is the ‘Be Nice To Everyone’ mantra. I don’t know why I or anyone else sticks with this, because after 5 failed cycles of grovelling and humble pie, it’s never made any difference. It’s just one of those basics you just don’t mess with. It’ll have to forever remain a fantasy to imagine calling everyone a MotherF****** when things don’t go by the book.

In the list of TTAD this cycle include:

* New never-tried-on-us-before Flare Protocol.

* New CFG, next session tonight. I’m going to have to tell her not to hold back on the Left Side Manipulations – because those follies are giving me the finger at this point. It may have something to do with the fact that I had made up my mind not to cycle again, and now that I am it’s upset things on the left-hand side, maybe I’ve upset the retirement plans? Either way, I’ll have to try and get an extra session in tomorrow night as well – just in case they think they can ignore the first warning.

* This is the first cycle where I’m ‘out’ in the real world. Some of my friends know about this cycle and I have people keeping tabs on me and offering encouragement. It’s lovely, but of course I’m getting worried that apart from a strategy to manage mine and Mr. S’s expectations, I will have to have another one for managing theirs. One of those strategies is going to have to be to not tell any of them details after transfer ie when Beta is due and at least warn them about the type of mood and F*** The World attitude that will accompany a failed cycle.

* I’m also updating details on my cycle on the donor forum. That’s another cheer squad.

* This is the: we-have-nothing-to-lose cycle, due to the thing where we have other irons in the fire.

* The prayers in Fatima. Yeah this one’s an absolute doozy. Mr. S was raised a catholic, and when we got to Lisbon he (dutiful son thing), accompanied his parents and aunt to the Our Lady Of Fatima church of miracles, where candles were lit for our ‘special intentions’. While I’m not a catholic, but with respect, I’ll take the miracle, because we’ve never had this happen for a cycle before.

* Lastly, and this is something that will have absolutely no bearing on an outcome but all the same, I’ll have my retrieval with hairy legs, but will be waxed in time for my transfer (see I’m already getting ahead of myself).

Okay, since writing this earlier stuff, I got my blood results. Trigger tonight at 9pm, retrieval Wednesday 8am. I had a quick chat with the nurse and she said that to keep my expectations realistic to expect one good egg(!)
Silently screaming: MOTHERF******, of course I was really nice about it.


At August 07, 2006 9:11 pm , Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Thanks for your kind words on my blog. I try to be nice to everyone at my clinic too when I am cycling, but it is so damn hard sometimes. Good luck on Wednesday!

At August 07, 2006 9:55 pm , Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Jesus, expect one egg???? WTF??

The thing about a donor cycle that I absolutely adored and told me all about how much I hated cycling was the fact that it did not depend on my fucked-up ovaries doing their usual non-response!

Maybe the nurse meant it only takes one egg or some such shite like that??

At August 08, 2006 5:04 am , Blogger Lut C. said...

ONE? I don't know how you feel, but I hope your coping with this ok. Other irons in the fire or no, it must be a blow.
I hope she is WRONG!

At August 08, 2006 9:24 am , Blogger Sparkle said...

Hi there,
Yes - she meant one egg only! While there are another 7 or so follicles, the measurements are going to mean they will most likely be immature (11's and 12's yesterday)
I don't know how I'm coping actually, I think I feel numb, and glad this is our last cycle.
Why are my damn dreams so prophetic when it's means bad news?

At August 09, 2006 11:02 am , Blogger The Town Criers said...

Good luck with the retrieval tomorrow. I'll be sending good energy your way.

At August 09, 2006 12:41 pm , Blogger Kris said...

Good luck tomorrow. I hope that nurse is just a glass is half empty kind of girl and that you have some good news after your retrieval.


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