IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Not talking about it anymore

We haven’t heard a word.

It’s not unusual that we wouldn’t be in contact – we’re friends that ring each other every couple of months and organise to go out to dinner and catch up. We’re not friends that live in each others pockets.

Nevertheless, I’m taking this whole thing out of the equation (in my mind at least).

I found a local forum to join and find out more, but because I’m so conscious of not wanting to bombard The Butterflies with information, I’m too scared to pass it on.

I think people need to find their own way through this stuff, it’s a personal journey and I think maybe it’s best made without anyone breathing down your neck.

I was thinking that maybe it wouldn’t be easy to ring people up and let them know you’ve decided not to go ahead? I hope not, we’ve made it clear that we have no expectations.

I’m thinking now that we should make an effort to see if we can find another local donor – see if our story will touch anyone who is considering donating. I guess we'd never know unless we tried hey? My instincts are telling me that an anonymous donor is not going to be in the best interests of a future child ... This is huge debate, and not one I'm qualified to lead, but with even the minimum insight we have (the 2-day Adoption Seminar), it seems pretty clear that finding a biological link is the most important thing for an adopted child. Therefore, what reason is there to think that the same wouldn't hold true for a child who was told they were created with a donor egg?

The funny thing is, that the doctor we saw said that 90% of the people she was arranging anonymous donor eggs for, had indicated that they would keep it secret from the child and were not telling any family members.

Anonymous vs known donor eggs aside, Mr. S thinks we should have as many irons in the fire as possible. He says that because people we know that have been at this with dogged determination are all now pregnant.

Meanwhile I still see the new CFG every week – she reckons I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. She still thinks she can help me conceive naturally! I'm not laughing, but it is a way of passing the time. I even took my temperatures this week - to check that I was ovulating.

I know that Acupuncture and Chinese medicine is something I’ve responded well to – it’s suits me. I always have the most amazing sleeps the next few nights after seeing her.

ZZZZzzzz seeing her tomorrow.


At June 16, 2006 12:12 am , Blogger Thalia said...

I'm sorry that your friends went all silent on you. I don't know what to say about the rest of your search. It seems to me as if you and Mr S are determined enough that you will find something that will work for you, whether it is DE or adoption or something else.

At June 16, 2006 6:45 am , Blogger Lut C. said...

Perhaps your friends are a bit embaressed for getting your hopes up, even though you explicitely said there were no expectations.

Dogged determination. I'm glad you have it, but sorry you need it.

Hang in there.

At June 16, 2006 8:28 am , Anonymous Meri-ann said...

Maybe you could just email her some information and see if that opens up the communication channel? Don't know what else to suggest, but like the girls said you and Mr S will achieve your goal, you're both obviously very committed to achieving it and deserve to!

At June 16, 2006 12:00 pm , Blogger Millie said...

I hear you on the anonymous vs known donor thing. I try to approach it as not knowing what my kids will want to know. They might want lots more information, like some adoptees. They might not want more, like other adoptees. I personally could never not tell my kids their genetic origins (all the reading I've done seems to indicate that donor offspring have a much harder time when it's kept secret) but everyone has to do what's right for them.

I think pursuing multiple pathways is a great thing. I figure if we end up with anonymous embryos, we'll just have as much info to give our kids as possible and just 'be there' for them and acknowledge that might be hard for them. Much like parents who adopt internationally do, kwim?

Enjoy the needles.

At June 17, 2006 3:22 am , Blogger GZ said...

Sorry about your friends. What an ackward position. It's great that you are keeping your mind open to all options.

At June 26, 2006 6:20 am , Anonymous Manuela said...

Dying to know how things are going!!!

Sending you much affection.

At July 01, 2006 8:34 am , Blogger Pamplemousse said...

If your friends with kids are anything like my friends with kids, they usually do not have the time to sit and discuss the big issues and come to a consensus. Another area where us infertiles are not normal eh?

If I were you, I would give them an update via e-mail on what is happening in terms of Greece or whatever and just mention that they have not said anything further but if they have changed their minds, that is cool. Nothing heavy but just a reminder of what was on the table. By telling them that other things are going on, it also means that if they have decided No, they will not feel so guilty about rescinding their offer?

Maybe they thought more about the effect on their own children or realised the physical implications of donation or read something in the paper about it?? You don't know till you talk to them or e-mail them.

I gave my SIL every out, in every conversation we had for ages and every time I did not hear from her for a week, I was wailing and crying to my hubs that she had changed her mind and backed out. Of course, it was only me doing the 2+2=10 in my own mind.


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