IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Life Is Beautiful

I’m not sure if I should be changing my blog from IF to Misery-all-Round.

This is not the place to come to for good vibes right now.

My trip to NZ was great. I spent lots of time with my family, including the rascal nieces and nephew. We had a great time and I miss them now I'm back home.

I was struck while I was there though – is this country going through a baby boom? Every second woman was pregnant.

That’s the overview.

Specifically though, I was blindsided with the prognosis for my father. It’s not good. He has lung spots that the chemo has been unable to shrink. My parents have been told that there is another drug he can take – but it has [based on a study of 30 people] got a 12% chance of working. There will be side effects.

My father is currently dealing with side effects from his radiation treatment – I don’t think he wants to submit himself to any more treatment with side effects.

He told me ‘I think I want to go quickly’.

I managed to keep myself together while I was there – I managed to be positively joyful about my IF situation.

Once I got on the plane to come home it was another story. That's when it flooded out – all 3 ½ hours of the flight. I had to lock myself in the toilet at one point – because I was worried I was scaring the little boy who kept staring at me wiping my eyes.

Mr. S and I had a rendezvous at the airport, his return from Athens.

His adventures went well and we are now awaiting a donor match – he said the doctor told him it would be in a few months.

I look back over my recent posts and they are all depressing, it’s hard not to be able to write about My Fabulous Life.

Wanna know something funny? I am not miserable.

I’m not happy about anything that’s going on around me – but I’m dealing with it. Maybe IF has taught me that.

9 Comments:

At April 11, 2006 9:06 pm , Blogger Beth said...

I am so very sorry to hear about your father. Personally I do no think you are being miserable - you are just dealing with life. Unfortunately its not always sunshine and rainbows. Exciting news about DE - I am hoping your match comes swiftly. You and yours are in my thoughts.

 
At April 12, 2006 12:00 am , Blogger fisher queen said...

Hang in there sweetie. I am so sorry to hear about your father.

 
At April 12, 2006 8:36 pm , Blogger Tina said...

I am sorry to hear about your father. You are one strong gal and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better but I'm saying it because it's true. Based on what you have been through, it's a miracle you're still sane. I envy you. God has a reason for making things happen and all we have to do is trust in him right?

 
At April 13, 2006 1:34 am , Blogger Chee Chee said...

So sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds like you were really strong for him while you were visiting. That is probably just what he needed.

Good luck with the search for the right donor. A woman that I met a local Resolve get together just had a successful donor cycle. I am sure that a positive result is right around the corner for you too!

Hang in there.

 
At April 13, 2006 6:39 am , Blogger Lut C. said...

It must be tough to live far away from your family while all this is going on. I'm sorry to hear your father has gotten such bad news to deal with.

Perhaps this is too nosy, but why a program in Athens. Isn't that rather far away? Perhaps you explained this before.

 
At April 13, 2006 5:54 pm , Blogger Sparkle said...

Hi Lut,
We're going to Athens because our RE has an exclusive arrangement with a IF Clinic there for donor eggs. We have not pursued donors here - but coincidentally did have a friend offer to be a donor. We haven't chased that up (we were in shock), but will be seeing this couple soon and may talk more.

 
At April 14, 2006 3:22 am , Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Oh Sparkle, my heart goes out to you. It is hard enough with all the IF crap and then throw in serious illness and it becomes impossible. You did a great job of keeping it together with grace for your father when you were home and you should be very proud of that.

Good news on the Athens front. The months will fly by, honest.

 
At April 17, 2006 1:23 am , Anonymous Lori said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I'm sorry you have to deal with so much right now.
I do hope a match comes up quickly so the process can go smoothly.

 
At April 17, 2006 2:20 am , Blogger Thalia said...

You're doing amazingly well given that news about your father, I'm so sorry it's such bad news at this point.

 

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