We are where we are ...

We’re at a limbo stage with our two new options, and it’s kind of weird.

Today is a CD1 for me, but for the first time in a long time - a Day 1 without any sadness.

We do have a low chance of conceiving each month, but at the moment we’re so relaxed about our next steps I’m not worrying too much. This month I didn’t use any OPK’s, I certainly had all my ovulation symptoms, but we’ve timed and tried for so long without results, I just want to relax for a while and not worry.

We have soooo much work to do to get to the point of lodging our adoption forms, not to mention budgeting for the initial payment. We’ve got to gather up all our official paperwork, get a full medical and write our life stories. We’re taking it slowly.

We are also waiting on paperwork for our donor egg stuff, and then we’ll get moving with that. Realistically we probably won’t be doing a donor cycle till close to the end of the year.

I’m enjoying my weekly Acu and Chiro sessions and starting to feel as if all my hormones are getting back to normal following my last IVF.

The other form of treatment I’m recently hearing about and considering is ‘Energy’ healing. This treatment helps people deal with not having a child, and reaching a point of accepting that.

Apparently I need to reach that point. I can’t imagine getting to there – because in all honesty I don’t want to accept that – to me that sounds too much like giving up? But I have been told I need to – so I can move on, and stop holding so much emotional stuff in, which I’ve also been told I do(!)

I have become more open to telling people about what we’ve been going thru.

We kept so much of our stuff to ourselves because we initially didn’t get great support from my family, and everything became too hard to deal with.

Now that we have a new plan, I feel a lot more comfortable talking to friends, and it’s been amazing how kind and understanding they have been.

It’s also been a great education for them. Some of my friends are going to make sure they get their FSH checked when they next go to the doctor.

We're happy to tell people about us moving into adoption, but at the moment we're keeping pretty tight-lipped about the donor eggs. I don't think this is the right time to talk about that yet.

It’s a funny old feeling, being nowhere but not being too worried about it.