IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Monday, February 27, 2006

We are where we are ...

We’re at a limbo stage with our two new options, and it’s kind of weird.

Today is a CD1 for me, but for the first time in a long time - a Day 1 without any sadness.

We do have a low chance of conceiving each month, but at the moment we’re so relaxed about our next steps I’m not worrying too much. This month I didn’t use any OPK’s, I certainly had all my ovulation symptoms, but we’ve timed and tried for so long without results, I just want to relax for a while and not worry.

We have soooo much work to do to get to the point of lodging our adoption forms, not to mention budgeting for the initial payment. We’ve got to gather up all our official paperwork, get a full medical and write our life stories. We’re taking it slowly.

We are also waiting on paperwork for our donor egg stuff, and then we’ll get moving with that. Realistically we probably won’t be doing a donor cycle till close to the end of the year.

I’m enjoying my weekly Acu and Chiro sessions and starting to feel as if all my hormones are getting back to normal following my last IVF.

The other form of treatment I’m recently hearing about and considering is ‘Energy’ healing. This treatment helps people deal with not having a child, and reaching a point of accepting that.

Apparently I need to reach that point. I can’t imagine getting to there – because in all honesty I don’t want to accept that – to me that sounds too much like giving up? But I have been told I need to – so I can move on, and stop holding so much emotional stuff in, which I’ve also been told I do(!)

I have become more open to telling people about what we’ve been going thru.

We kept so much of our stuff to ourselves because we initially didn’t get great support from my family, and everything became too hard to deal with.

Now that we have a new plan, I feel a lot more comfortable talking to friends, and it’s been amazing how kind and understanding they have been.

It’s also been a great education for them. Some of my friends are going to make sure they get their FSH checked when they next go to the doctor.

We're happy to tell people about us moving into adoption, but at the moment we're keeping pretty tight-lipped about the donor eggs. I don't think this is the right time to talk about that yet.

It’s a funny old feeling, being nowhere but not being too worried about it.


At February 28, 2006 1:06 am , Anonymous thalia said...

I'm glad you're feeling so good about next steps. It helps so much to have a plan. I hope all the healthy things you're doing for yourself have great dividends.

At February 28, 2006 1:46 pm , Anonymous Lori said...

I have found it quite freeing to be more open with friends (maybe not with family though!). I hope it has the same effect on you.
So glad to hear that you're still moving forward with both plans and that you're feeling good about.

At March 01, 2006 7:33 am , Blogger Beth said...

I can "hear" a sense of peace in this post - it is good to have a plan. Like Lori, I have found it gives me some comfort to be able to share with friends - this whole business is an awful lot to bear on your own.

At March 01, 2006 2:14 pm , Blogger Ornery said...

Beth is right...this post does have such a peaceful air to it. I'm glad that the acu and chiro are working well for you, and if you pursue energy healing, I hope that also has similar positive effects.

It's great that you are feeling comfortable about opening up to friends. I'm slowly moving in that direction as well, and so far it's felt very liberating.

At March 02, 2006 8:58 am , Blogger Chelsi said...

I've never heard of the energy healing - curious to learn more about it!! Glad you are in a good place emotionally, especially in limbo land. I'm also an inhabitant, as we start to pursue adoption, albeit it ever so slowly. I wish I could feel as at ease with it as you seem to - the hope of a miraculous pg still consumes me!! Also, it's great that you are being so open with friends and family, I'm sure it helps to have their support.


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