Beer and Breasts

I have something to admit. I’m not sure if it’s healthy or not, but IF has changed many of my opinions on motherhood.

Last weekend we caught up with our new Adoption Friends.

Now, we’re all at the early stages of getting to know each other, so we haven’t yet reached that point of understanding what kinds of restaurants everyone likes or more importantly, what kind of budget we all have.

So someone suggested a pub that had dining and booked a table.

Let’s say it was a trendy inner west pub – that has undergone a radical transformation in the last year. I mean the last time I went to this pub – it was to see an indie rock band - in a former life. This place now has a dining room attached that has had rave reviews, but the suggestion was made to have a drink in the pub and just order some pub food.

So now we’re all sitting in this transformed place – that has a modern-e open barn style design. Big wooden tables and we were able to have our own.

As we’re sitting there one of our group notices a pram with a tiny baby.

‘Far out, that baby only looks a week old’

We all had a good laugh at how hilarious it was that a bunch of infertile couples considering adoption get together and end up next to a table with a newborn.

As I looked up I spotted a groovy father walking by in his Billa*bong t.shirt and leading his girl-child by the hand. I also saw several pregnant women joining friends, with all their children.

We have another drink, and catch up on where we’re all at and what we’re thinking with our adoption forms.

As I’m talking with one of the women about donor eggs we notice at the table with the new-born that there’s another one, another newborn … AND THE MOTHER IS BREAST FEEDING ... IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PUB.

I mean, wow, now you don't have to go to Hoo*ters, or whatever it's called to get an eyeful.

So as we order another bottle of sauvignon blanc, and manage to get back from the bar without tripping over ALL THE PRAMS now in this pub, we start talking about how strange it is that so many parents are out with their babies and children.

‘Yeah’ the couple say who suggested the pub. ‘It’s funny, but people always seem to be here with their babies and children’.

BUT THIS IS A SATURDAY NIGHT.

Now Sydney has come a long way in recent times – new legislation with the smoke-free zones, means that those wanting to light up a durry are herded into the pokie rooms or have to go outside – BUT WHEN DID PUBS BECOME MOTHER’S CLUBS?

‘It’s funny’ I said to one of my female companions ‘I’ve changed my whole view on the public breast feeding thing’.
‘Really’
‘Yeah, it happened within a week of my miscarriage. I was having lunch at the mall near where I work, a place where I used to get a great pizza slice and could read my book. In the middle of my lunch a woman with her baby sat down next to me and she started breast-feeding. Now I probably still had all my preggy hormones coursing thru my veins, but it really upset me. That soon changed to anger, when I noticed that not 10 feet away from where we were sitting was a PARENTS ROOM! This incident changed my view forever. Now I think, with 1 in 10 women miscarrying, how dare anyone presume that this issue is about their right to breast feed in public, and not consider the feelings of others.
‘I agree’ she said, 'I hate Mothers Clubs too'.

Now this is clearly my issue and it’s tied in my IF. I would never ever berate anyone, and have sat quietly by while our friends have suckled in full view, and [hopefully] never made them feel uncomfortable. I’ve left that emotion all for myself.

But now can we not even go to a pub without having to feel this joyous motherhood in others, and feel it would be politically incorrect to be uncomfortable?

‘You know, it’s just all about Showing-off Parenthood’ Mr. S said.

‘Now I know I’d never want to live in that suburb, all those people in that pub made we want to puke’.

Am I justified in my attitude or is this something I should keep working on?

When Mr. S and I have our children, we vow we will never buy into the ‘Show-off Parenthood’ rubbish. Of course we’ll still want to go to the pub from time to time, but not to dangle our young. We’ll keep the pub for times when we want to catch up with our friends and we'll make full use of those babysitting in-laws. When it's kids in-tow, I think we'll be able to find better places than the pub to meet up with our friends.