IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Bite Sized Pieces ...

You know how it is when stuff happens, stuff that’s totally outside of your control, and it’s totally overwhelming … sometimes you don’t know how to deal with it?

Stuff like that has been happening to me for a few years now, and that includes, but is not exclusively with our struggles to have a baby.

My struggles with IF have made me a different person - that much is true.

One of my ways of dealing with things is to choose not to. If things get too hard, for the first time in my life I just put them on the back burner.

This may be a by-product of IF, I’m not sure?

As previously mentioned in ‘The City’ I have had many struggles with one of my sisters. Nothing is ever simple in life and if for the first time in our relationship I had problems with her after I had a miscarriage, well things would have most likely gotten back on track. But that’s not the case, and I have a huge history of problems with her, and following my miscarriage and subsequent ‘issues’ with her (bombarding me with talk of her baby), I took a time out. As anyone who has read my previous posts will know, since then I have twice had a mix up at my IVF clinic where they accidentally brought her records up.

So the background to that being that she has put it about the family how uber-fertile she – ‘Competitive Sibling Fertility’ if you will.

Now here’s the overwhelming part. Five months ago she sent a breathless email to everyone in the family with the news that she was pregnant with her second. Two months later she sent a follow up with the news that a heart defect had been detected – the baby’s heart rate was at 70 bpm – where it should be at 160 bpm. Medication was taken, this didn’t have the desired effect. At the time she and her husband were living overseas. We got occasional updates – that everything was holding, they were being closely monitored. They were hoping to get to 38 weeks, then she would have a caesarean delivery.

So we have reached a point where we email each other about ‘nothing’. [I mean I have sent many supportive emails with regards to the baby]. It’s progress.

They have since moved back to Australia.

Yesterday we got an email that the heart rate had dropped again – so at 36 ½ weeks she would be delivering. That is today. We haven’t heard anything yet.

[More background: part of our punishment was not to tell us when her baby daughter was born - we found out a day later. I have still not ever met my niece]

We have still never resolved anything.

I struggled with how to bring her back into my life, but couldn’t sleep at night. The thought of even sitting down face to face was too unbearable to imagine. I have struggled with this moral dilemma, and my course of action has been to do nothing.

It wasn’t an appropriate time to be mending fences – while she was dealing with this problematic pregnancy – and the issues were too important to ignore.

Like many of the difficulties (more to come), I’ve dealt with them in bite sized pieces as I’ve needed to.

Now I have reached a time where I’m not sure what to do.

I have been waiting all day on word from the hospital on how things have gone.

Wouldn’t you just love to be me at this point in time?

UPDATE: Baby boy has been born. At the moment mother and baby are doing well. I have spoken to them, and everything is good. Baby will need an operation, decision on when that is, is yet to be made.


At March 30, 2006 8:23 am , Anonymous Erin said...

I have three brothers, I always wanted a sister. When I hear stuff like this it makes me realize that brothers are pretty low maintenance in comparison.

Sounds like she has some growing up to do before any real amends can be made. And as for meeting face-to-face, I'd keep it in a group setting whenever you see her again for a while.

Whatever you do, just take care of yourself, you've got enough to worry about. And that's my assvice for the day.

At March 30, 2006 11:22 pm , Blogger Millie said...

Oh I feel for you and wish there was something I could say. Glad to hear everyone is doing well for the moment. Do take care of yourself like Erin suggested.

At March 31, 2006 2:09 am , Blogger fisher queen said...

Sparkle I really feel for you. I have such a hard time with my brother, and he has been very supportive of me. This must be unbelievably hard for you.

I think Erin has the right idea. It takes two to build a healthy relationship, and while you can try, you need to be sure she is ready.

At March 31, 2006 3:26 am , Blogger Chee Chee said...

I'm sorry that things are so difficult with your sister. It is really hard when people who love you, don't really "get" what you need from them. I really hope that things turn around, so she can be the sister that you need her to be.

Good luck! And thanks for posting!

At April 01, 2006 9:41 am , Blogger Lut C. said...

Put her on the back burner, it sounds like a good strategy.


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