Gut Feeling

It’s been more than a week since we discussed the possibility of donor eggs with our friends.

So far we haven’t heard anything. Mr. S did ring and tell them to take all the time they wanted ...

Even so, my gut feeling is that the answer will be no.

I think the longer it takes to make the decision, the more likely the answer will be no. Just a theory.

We know from our doctor’s and from what I’ve read on the internet that a lot of women may initially say yes, but once they’ve had time to absorb what it really means, they get cold feet and back out.

Apparently in most cases it’s the husband that freaks out and can’t handle the idea. I don’t think that will be the case here, Mr. Butterfly is all for it.

We talked so openly about everything, that maybe it’ll be too overwhelming – I guess it’s better to find out now rather than down the track.

I sent her an email with some links to unbiased blogs and forums she might like to read – I read them myself and shivered.

It’s a big thing for someone uninitiated by this ART world.

I had told her it was easy for me to say it was easy – because I’ve been through it five times. I was someone lucky enough not to have bad reactions to the drugs, have very little pain with the procedure, and then I recovered quickly. Some women have a dreadful time of it.

But then, I said to her, they may also be the ones that get a positive result, and I’ve never had that.

I also let her know about that particular kind of protective IF armour we all wear. How sometimes when we talk about what we’ve been through and what’s next, we find outselves sometimes talking about it in an almost casual way. Not because that's how we truly feel, but because it's the best coping strategy. I’ve become really good at it. I can’t talk about what this journey has been like and allow myself to show what I’m really feeling, let the pain even glimpse daylight – otherwise every conversation would end with me in inconsolable tears. I’ve had to teach myself to focus on what’s good in my life and not allow the IF tentacles to drag me into an all-consuming miserable world.

Of course, I managed to sugarcoat that message – because otherwise I would feel like I was applying pressure.