IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Gut Feeling

It’s been more than a week since we discussed the possibility of donor eggs with our friends.

So far we haven’t heard anything. Mr. S did ring and tell them to take all the time they wanted ...

Even so, my gut feeling is that the answer will be no.

I think the longer it takes to make the decision, the more likely the answer will be no. Just a theory.

We know from our doctor’s and from what I’ve read on the internet that a lot of women may initially say yes, but once they’ve had time to absorb what it really means, they get cold feet and back out.

Apparently in most cases it’s the husband that freaks out and can’t handle the idea. I don’t think that will be the case here, Mr. Butterfly is all for it.

We talked so openly about everything, that maybe it’ll be too overwhelming – I guess it’s better to find out now rather than down the track.

I sent her an email with some links to unbiased blogs and forums she might like to read – I read them myself and shivered.

It’s a big thing for someone uninitiated by this ART world.

I had told her it was easy for me to say it was easy – because I’ve been through it five times. I was someone lucky enough not to have bad reactions to the drugs, have very little pain with the procedure, and then I recovered quickly. Some women have a dreadful time of it.

But then, I said to her, they may also be the ones that get a positive result, and I’ve never had that.

I also let her know about that particular kind of protective IF armour we all wear. How sometimes when we talk about what we’ve been through and what’s next, we find outselves sometimes talking about it in an almost casual way. Not because that's how we truly feel, but because it's the best coping strategy. I’ve become really good at it. I can’t talk about what this journey has been like and allow myself to show what I’m really feeling, let the pain even glimpse daylight – otherwise every conversation would end with me in inconsolable tears. I’ve had to teach myself to focus on what’s good in my life and not allow the IF tentacles to drag me into an all-consuming miserable world.

Of course, I managed to sugarcoat that message – because otherwise I would feel like I was applying pressure.


At June 06, 2006 9:35 pm , Blogger Shazz said...

Fingers are all crossed that you get that yes you so deserve!!!

At June 06, 2006 11:19 pm , Blogger Millie said...

I've been trying to get my thoughts together since your last post. I recently had a friend offer to be our donor and it's just a different way of approaching it that I was caught off guard.

I think it's good that you gave her lots of info. I think it could even be a good sign that they are taking time, because they are really considering everything.

Please give her my email address if she'd like to 'talk' with someone who's been on both sides of the stirrups. Well, I guess I've really only been on the one but I WAS a donor and now I've done donor cycles (and will again).

The part about armour is all too true. I'm particularly good at that myself.

At June 07, 2006 11:44 am , Anonymous Beth said...

I think the best thing was definitely to point her in the direction of lots of information. I really hope that you get the answer that you are hoping for.

At June 07, 2006 8:42 pm , Anonymous Meri-ann said...

I echo what Beth said, you've done the right thing to give her lots of info- and I truly hope that everything goes to plan.....

At June 09, 2006 1:41 am , Blogger Thalia said...

Oh I do hope that she decides in favour. But either way, you've done all the right things in helping her get really well informed and prepared. Hoping for you.

At June 10, 2006 6:28 am , Blogger Lut C. said...

You may be right, but I hope you're wrong.

At June 12, 2006 4:09 pm , Blogger linda said...

My best friend offered to donate her eggs to me, and within 10 minutes she was hemming and hawing and clarified, "If you can't get pregnant after x attempts then I'll seriously consider giving you my eggs." I went from being elated, unbelievable happiness at the sheer luck of it all, to feeling the wind kicked out of me in no time flat.

So I guess what I am trying to share is that it might be safe to not emotionally invest in this thought until you know it's really going to happen...and it sounds like the jury's out deliberating.

I hope that they come through for you and that this all works out. :)

At June 13, 2006 3:25 pm , Blogger GZ said...

Here's hoping for the very best!

At June 15, 2006 8:56 am , Anonymous Manuela said...

I hope this works out for you... and yah... I agree with you. We IF'ers DO tend to become rather desensitized to the drugs and procedures.


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