No Angel Wings

I wonder sometimes if even having a baby will cure my bitterness.

I think I’ve got a handle on self-pity, and I’ve really learnt how to be happy in everyday life, what I haven’t conquered is feeling bitter when I hear how wonderfully well other peoples lives are going. Even as I write this the top left side of my lip raises itself in an agreed bitter sneer – 'yeah damn right, stuff everyone I know and their great lives'!

So far I’ve put this down to the ahhh ... baby stuff.

My family dreams shattered while everyone else’s have come to fruition.

I think I’m rapidly reaching a point where I don’t want to hear ANYONE ELSE’S GOOD NEWS. BTW I’m referring to real life people here. I think it’s a peer group thing. But then do I still have a peer group? Does IF strip you of that, when practically everyone you know has a family? (In our case, if they don’t most likely it’s because they’re single).

Would getting pregnant be the cure-all or would it be the start of a whole new level of bitterness?

Getting pregnant would have taken me ... [a million years] and cost me ... [a million dollars], not to mention all my ... [lost career opportunities] the isolation ... blah boringly blah.

Mr. S seems to think that I should be able to disregard my hurt and pain and just feel good for everyone else when good things happen to them. This would be the way a mature optimistic person would deal with my life and situation.

What happened to my angel wings? Did they never grow or have they slowly rotted off my back with every passing year of IF?