IF and the City

I used to feel sad when I watched the episodes with Charlotte failing over and over again while trying to get pregnant. Little did I know that my own attempts would lead me on the same sad journey. We've now passed 4 years in the trenches. 6 failed IVF/ICSI cycles = nothing. Time for something new - donor eggs. Success at last. Now for round 2.

Monday, October 10, 2005

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

Poor Baby Jane Hudson never had it easy.

When she married, her and her husband decided that they would try to have a baby straight away. They had been together for a few years, and their wedding was long overdue, but it was a beautiful day for both of them.

After a few months of trying Baby Jane decided that she better get to the doctor and have some preliminary tests taken to check that everything was okay. The dr. took all the usually blood tests and swabs and gave some advice on the best times of the month to try and that sort of thing and sent her away and said to try for the next 3 months and if nothing happened to come back. Also her husband was to have his boys checked out before that time if need be.

Anyhoo, time went on and unfortunately there was no luck with pregnancy, so she had to go back to the doctor, having convinced her husband to get his test. Well the doctor says, your husband's has a low to average count, so we'll have to whip you into hospital ... you have private cover ... great, and we'll do some mandatory laparoscopy type tests under general anaesthetic then we'll know if there's anything amiss.

Baby Jane was very nervous because she'd never been to hospital before, but it all went well. While she was recovering the nurse told her the doctor wanted her to call him. Panic stricken she called, 'well we couldn't get any dye into your tubes, but don't panic he said, the uterus often cramps and everything else is fine, and there's another test we can do'. So two weeks later when she had her stitches out, she had the famous HSG test. Well the dye went in on one side and the other side started cramping again. So, it's all good the doctor said, go away and try again. So she went away again and nothing happened, 'well I can either send you to an ivf doctor or you can try clomid' the doctor said. I'll try clomid Baby Jane said in a panic, I don't want ivf!. So thermometer in hand she started with clomid.

Ohh la la, incredibly in two months she found herself pregnant. She couldn't believe it, she felt so lucky and scared. She went back to the doctor and had her beta blood test, then the pregnancy was really confirmed and an ultra sound was booked to check everything was in the right place. Two days before the ultrasound she started bleeding very lightly and raced straight to the doctor. It's probably just placenta attaching, just take it easy. Phew she thought until two days later she started bleeding again. This time a blood test was taken and she was told she was having a threatened abortion and had to go to hospital the next day for a d&c. 'At least you know you can get pregnant' the doctor said, yes there is that she thought. Though it didn't stop her crying when she came around from the anaesthetic and was told it was all over ...

In all this time the only people she told about what she was going thru was her mother and Blanche her sister. Blanche was quite annoyed at first because she was planning her wedding and wanted undivided attention. She couldn't understand why her wedding wasn't a priority for Baby Jane, she was one of the bridesmaids after all - and weren't their $500 dresses beautiful?

Blanche was pregnant by the time Baby Jane had her miscarriage and it was really quite inconvenient to her. 'Well at least if you don't have children you'll live a wealthy life', was one great pearl of wisdom from her. 'Maybe you should think about adoption' was another she generously offered a couple of weeks later. 'I just want you to share in my joy' she told Baby Jane one day. Sometimes Baby Jane found herself very upset, especially when Blanche threw her ultra sound pics at her and talked non-stop about the pregnancy. Oh well at least I know I can get pregnant she'd tell herself.

Time went on and then she found herself seeing a specialist and after more time trying and then her and her husband found themselves heading down the ivf route. Everything was new to her and her husband and they were very hopeful. They'd decided that they'd embark on this journey without more helpful advise from Blanche, because she really had her own pregnancy to worry about. Blanche thought that was stupid and became very hostile. 'I don't know why Baby Jane makes such a fuss, lots of women have miscarriages, I myself once had a 2 week late period' she complained to their mother 'so did I' their mother confided back.

Baby Jane started to feel as if she was being judged a little harshly, but told herself that she had to stick to her priorities.They started the treatment and came to the day that they had to pay for their treatment, so rang thru to the clinic to give their credit card details ... what's your surname the clerk asked 'Hudson' Baby Jane said, because she hadn't changed her name since being married. 'Oh here we are ... Blanche' .... silence ... gulp ... 'nooo she said it's Baby Jane Hudson not Blanche'.

Baby Jane and her husband were amazed, Blanche had been thru fertility treatment and had never discussed this - amongst all the advice she'd doled out - she'd never mentioned that she too had had fertility problems... she told us she got pregnant before they'd started trying ...

Baby Jane has kept this little secret from the family. But it changed things for her, she feels less like a victim now and she has found support elsewhere. She discovered a whole world of women on the internet who are prepared to talk about their experiences, no matter how painful they are.


At October 10, 2005 9:53 pm , Blogger Thalia said...

What a story. Is this the same sister as in the last post? How extraordinary. I guess she was covering up lots of pain through her insensitivity to you. Seems you are doing the right thing by steering clear for a while.

At October 11, 2005 4:44 pm , Blogger Sparkle said...

Hi Thalia, thanks for leaving a comment.
Yes, same sister. It's old stuff now, but it's bottled up inside me and I've wanted to write it down for ages.
News flash just in today, she's pregnant again - thankfully living in France, so the frogs can deal with her pregna-diva attitude.

At October 16, 2005 10:20 am , Anonymous Lori said...

Wow, what a story. While I don't think my sister is trying to get pregnant just yet, we have had other issues resulting from my IF. When I told her about my miscarriage her response included "You must be relieved, but feel guilty that you feel relieved." This was after I told her we got pregnant on purpose. Odd. She continued to blame our IF on my body's response to stress. Wicked helpful. Not to make this all about me, but I'm sorry to hear your sister has been less than supportive as well.

At January 18, 2006 11:15 am , Blogger Roma Tekovi said...

Baby Jane should have let the billing personnel put it all on Blanche's card.


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